Plans…that probably won’t happen.

Lets be entirely honest here. I have some great plans for this site. I have so many things I want to do, but to be entirely honest I don’t think I’ll ever get around to it. Here’s the list of things that over the next year and a half I want to enact and do. (I’ll be moving and not in school for a bit, so that’ll help).

  1. Research articles. I want to compile and summarize in plain English research regarding gender and sexuality. This is partially to have a better idea of the existing literature before I enter graduate school. It’s also because this kind of research very rarely gets attention. I don’t know how I’ll do it because I won’t have access through school to scholarly journals and they are extremely expensive to get ahold of. I know some people do open source but that has inherent questionability in terms of if it’s been subject to peer review. Regardless, this is something I hope to find a way to pursue. If I do, when started I think I’ll focus on maybe one article a month. It’s not a lot but that will give me time to seriously examine it, have a life, do other things, and most importantly, find others in case the one I initially select isn’t good based on one parameter or another.
  2. Shout-Outs to remarkable members of the LGBT+ community. I have done one to Stef Sanjati before, and I have a few other individuals I would love to post on at some point. This is difficult because often you need to consume a lot of content created by an individual to do this. However, IF it were possible another way I could do that would be to essentially conduct an interview and get they’re responses and it would take FAR less time. Ideally this would also be once a month.
  3. Discussion of various issues regarding gender and sexuality. This one concerns me because of a number of things. The first is that I’m worried about any issues in my understanding that I haven’t addressed or noticed yet. I don’t want to publicly put out things that based on my own ignorance could hurt someone. The second is I don’t like stirring up drama, I’d rather not deal with it, especially if it doesn’t effect me. For example, the issue of should people be able to exclude trans people as sexual partners based on their identity? If yes, at what point? etc.
  4. Explanations of genders/sexualities??? I feel like there’s a million of those so maybe not? or just a quick guide and links to far better resources. If I do this I will include it in whatever section I create to help with resources for LGBT+ people. This includes a list of community friendly shelters and support groups based on area, I would like to compile one of those.
  5. A comprehensive resource guide that has a number of things. Shopping places that are LGBT+ friendly, shelters, support groups, hotlines, even a list of places and organizations that outright hurt LGBT+ people.
  6. Book Reviews! I want to start reading and reviewing LGBT+ literature. This means both written by LGBT+ people AND featuring LGBT+ characters. (meaning And/Or btw, not having both qualities at the same time)

Ok, as far as I can figure that’s all I have planned. However, I would LOVE to have more suggestions if ANYONE happens to have any. Thanks 🙂



On the New Images

Ok, so I played around with the customization a little bit and at least for now, I put some water themed photos that I took for backgrounds. There’s actually a reason for this.

I’m AFAM, assigned female at birth. However, I’m leaning towards Agender as my identity, and as you probably are aware, I’m Asexual. In literature water is very highly feminized and sexualized, it’s an image that conveys femininity and sexuality, usually feminine sexuality. However, water is just, water. It’s a substance made up of Hydrogen and Oxygen. The images attached are created by society. To me, that’s my personal experience with gender and sexuality. I believe fully that some people actually are gendered, and obviously sexuality isn’t attached to everyone, some people actually are sexual, it’s just not my experience. So, I figured it made sense, and then I wouldn’t feel as bad because I’m now using my own original art for the site. 🙂

So yes, I personally took those photos. They’re from a pond near my campus.

Ok, so, I have this problem where I keep making promises about what I’m going to do with this and I never follow through. Between personal and school related things I have literally been too busy to work on this right now. However, I do keep thinking about what I want to do once my schedule allows me some time to do so.

  1. I want to make some artwork for this site. Not anything too fancy, I just don’t really like using the stock stuff and I’m far to broke to commission artwork. I may end up being able to incorporate that into one of my classes so with any luck I’ll do that by the end of the semester.
  2. ORGANIZATION. I ideally want pages for specific topics and issues. Not separate blogs, but different sections. This would primarily be within outside resources, but it would also allow me to post Asexuality-centric posts together and more gender related posts together, and so forth.
  3. As far as resources I want a lot of different things. I want to compile a list of companies/stores that are very LGBT+ friendly (think GC2B,, those sorts of places). I want a shopping guide for dressing as a trans* person. Basically that would mainly be size conversions and then how to deal with stores, like when you want to try things on. If possible I would like assistance with that (share stories if you have relevant ones) I will also, if I build up the courage, ask a personal friend that’s NB if ey’d be willing to share some information. I’m working on the reading list, but like I said, before I have a final recommendation I want to read and review the books.
  4. I do like the idea of highlighting the public LGBT+ people out there. (What I posted for Stef Sanjati) I would like to continue doing that but it’s a very large time commitment so I will probably have to put that on hiatus.
  5. Q+A’s would be fun to do. Obviously I would like to keep it related to Gender and Sexuality but the main thing to remember is that I just won’t answer what I don’t want people to know.

If there’s anything else, just leave a comment and I’ll certainly think about implementing it. Have a good day.

A look Forward

I have followers! This is exciting as a new blog. However, there’s a level of pressure attached that I am not entirely sure how to handle. I have a lot of things going on right now from a personal stand point and even more going on from an educational standpoint. I wish I could promise something, preferably a lot of polished somethings, but I can’t do that at present. I will do my very best to have some kind of post a week, and would like to have a “flexible” theme. I was planning on doing book reviews and “shout-out” type things but those are incredibly time consuming and I can’t be entirely certain that it’s possible to have those be regularly scheduled at the very least. When I make a post it will be themed on LGBT+ things, sometimes I’ll pull a random topic out of the internet, and sometimes it’ll be something that’s been weighing on my mind at the time. I will make a post that I will try to keep pinned at the top or in a separate section, that will be for suggestions of topics. If I make a section I will probably also ask for books to be reviewed later and people to give a “shout-out” type thing to. I have one of each of those types of posts made already so if you want to see an example of what that would be, there are some.  Thank you for your patience with me in this issue and hopefully I will get less busy as time goes on and actually be able to devote some time to blogging regularly.

An Apology for Hiatus

I realize I have basically no one reading these but I don’t entirely mind. However, I was planning on actually working on keeping this us, but life and being mentally ill have come together to make that next to impossible. I will take the pressure of a regular schedule off of my plate and instead try to just set aside some time at least once a day to write something related to gender and sexuality for this. I have school coming up and a bit of a crazy and stressful life, but I want to work on at least posting regularly here, even if it’s not particularly formal or anything. I’m sorry but for right now, my mental health takes priority.

Why I belong in the LGBT+ community

I follow a lot of Asexuality Awareness pages on social media. It’s part of how come I finally settled on the identity I have. I like feeling like I have a community, and I like how even people who aren’t Aro/Ace/Agen support those of us that are. However, I keep seeing posts that people make saying that Asexual people don’t belong in the LGBT+ community unless other aspects of attraction fit. This hurts, because like many other sexualities have faced, the community we’re turning to for support as the world refuses us is saying “No, you’re not good enough.” I’m going to borrow a term usually used with trans* people, passing privilege. I have a lot. I’m, as far as I identify now, a cisgender woman that has only been in relationships with masculine people. This protects me from a lot of persecution because I don’t face harassment as a result of my gender and I don’t face harassment as a result of who I’m dating. I “pass” as a straight, white female. However, that’s not the case at all. I recognize that many people in the LGBT+ community have gone through a level of persecution that I can only imagine. I want to work with the community largely because of that, because people are getting hurt because society can’t decide to let people live their lives. That doesn’t mean that the kind of erasure I see is invalid. I see a different kind of persecution, one many members of the LGBT+ community haven’t seen in years. My identity is met with disbelief and erasure. I have people telling me (not really me because I’m not expressively out and open, but people with my sexuality as a whole) that I’m sick, autistic, insane, etc. Very rarely do people believe that it’s a thing that can be felt, and often when they do, they believe it’s an illness. I saw my identity on a hit medical show, House, and the entire point was “This isn’t normal, and I can fix it.” Never mind that the couple in question didn’t WANT it fixed. I do firmly believe that mental and medical issues can lead to an individual identifying as Asexual, but in my experience that’s as much a misunderstanding of the identity as it is anything else. Asexuality is the lack of sexual attraction not necessarily the lack of sexual desire. Many things note that they come with a low libido. That’s really easy for an individual to mistake as a lack of attraction. However, even then it’s a slippery slope because I risk advocating for members of my community to undergo rigorous medical and mental screenings to rule that out. I do think it’s important to note the ones that come with a serious health risk and take steps in that regard, but I don’t care if someone’s identity is caused by an illness or otherwise so long as they’re not being hurt by it. It’s no different than how some people stop being able to experience attraction to certain groups of people as a result of sexual trauma. That doesn’t invalidate their identity.

The point I’m trying, and not very well, to make is that the LGBT+ community as a whole goes through a wide spectrum of persecution and different identities go through a different level. Ace/Aro/Agen people are not saying “My persecution is the same/just as bad as it is for Gay people” or whatever other group, they’re saying “I’m persecuted based on my sexuality/gender just like the rest of you are.” I make no mistake to think that I understand the struggles that come with other sexualities or genders. But I recognize the persecution I face for what it is. The LGBT+ community unites against the face of persecution as a result of gender and sexuality. Every member in the community has had to fight for their right to be recognized as a member. We won’t stop seeking inclusion amongst people that go through similar things as us, we are LGBT+ regardless of whether or not ever LGBT+ person recognizes that. Once upon a time people wouldn’t accept Lesbians, Bisexuals, or Trans* people either.

Steph Sanjati: Internet Personality and LGBT+ Role-Model

So, this may be partially a reach for views, but I don’t care because I’m not lying at all. I have within the last year or so been working through the majority of Steph’s YouTube Videos. I’ve gone back far enough that I’ve seen her before she came out as Trans. Watching her videos have helped me a lot with figuring out what I want to do and how to do it because she’s helping me understand the struggles that people in a more visible aspect of the LGBT+ community feel. As an asexual person I don’t deal with a lot of the same hatred, I see more erasure and less outright harassment. Both suck to deal with, but it’s very helpful to watch someone explain what they go through. Her positivity and perseverance are also very inspiring.

She grew up in a small town in Canada, I’m not sure what province. She was at first bullied as a result of having a rare condition called Waardenburg Syndrome. It’s an essentially harmless condition that results in a peculiar look that resulted in her being harassed as a kid. Then puberty hits and suddenly she’s faced with a number of challenges. Obviously some of these weren’t as sudden as I mean to imply, but they start being more and more problematic. She’s effeminate, she’s into men, and she’s experiencing what she would later recognize as Dysphoria. At first she assumes that she’s a gay male. That’s reasonable considering that she has zero exposure to the Trans* community at that point. She moves away from her town as soon as possible because she’s treated like garbage there. It’s a time after moving to Toronto that she comes to the realization that she’s not gay, she’s a Trans Woman. She, already a popular YouTuber comes out and continues with life, only as a female.

I really enjoy watching her grow and be happier as her dysphoria is being treated through her transition, she’s also much more happy with her life as a whole now, which is fantastic. She’s also very open about her struggles, gender related and otherwise. She inspires me to work through my own, admittedly very different, struggles. I often will go and watch a video of hers when I’m depressed about something and it helps me get a different outlook and I love it. I enjoy following her development.

I can promise you that I’m not doing her an ounce of justice in this little snapshot, but she’s a hero of mine and I wanted to devote a space on this blog to her. I’m considering doing this as a bit of a series by finding various popular YouTubers that are active in the LGBT+ community and giving them a spotlight. Hopefully if I do this, then potential followers will have somewhere they can go in order to find role-models for themselves. I will probably start with people that I’ve seen Steph Collaborate with and branch out slowly from there.

Solidifying the Intangible: Also known as planning

I’m in the middle of a lot of personal growth and exploration right now. Some of it welcome, and some, not so much. I am currently single for the first time in nearly 4 years, which is bizarre to think about. That’s thrown a bit of a curve into everything. I also visited my mother fairly recently. For background she lives in Minneapolis, MN. I went there partially because I wanted to get a real feel for the city before I made a decision on how seriously I wanted to pursue getting my graduate degree(s) there. I now basically only want that, so that’s lovely. However, being there has also helped make me think more seriously about what exactly my plans are. I plan on getting a Masters degree in both Psychology and Feminist Studies. I also plan on doing everything possible to get an internship with either a LGBT+ oriented organization or with HCMC (and/or related clinics). I want to work as a counselor with LGBT+ youth. I’m going to help people deal with the challenges our community faces as well as help them access recourses to help them out. That’s will probably largely consist of helping Trans* individuals seek legal, medical, and other forms of care but will also involve a number of other issues. I’m really excited for that, but I also have a lot of stuff to work though involving my mental health. I wish this was happening after I was already settled in Minneapolis because I know I’ll just have to change counselors and everything again in a year. My previous counselor moved to Oregon and is now unavailable, so I’ll be starting fresh, only to have to again in a year. Anyway, my life is very out of control right now and so I’m focusing on solidifying the aspects of my intangible future that I have a change at actually affecting so I have something to ground me. Take care 🙂

Asexual Fantasy?

Ok, so I was originally going to find a list of questions people have for asexual people and provide my own answers for them here, but when searching for that I found an article by CNN. It’s covering a research study that was a questionnaire involving asexual people. The topic? Masturbation and Fantasy. The researchers were basically testing the assumption that Asexual people are completely devoid of sexual desire. Now, hopefully you know that’s not the case.

Asexuality lies on a spectrum just like “normal” sexuality. Not only can we experience degrees of attraction, but we can experience degrees of comfort with/desire for sexual activity. We can even have kinks just like the rest of the human population.

Degrees of Attraction basically goes:

No attraction (Asexual)-> Some Attraction (Gray-Asexual, Demisexual)->”Normal” Attraction (Not Asexual).

For comfort/desire of sexual activity:

Sex Repulsed/Sex Negative (Doesn’t desire, may abhor sexual activity)->Sex Neutral (doesn’t desire but doesn’t mind)->Sex Positive (Cupiosexual, desires sex)

Now, this might be oversharing but I’m a truly Asexual person who more specifically identifies as Add to dictionary, meaning I actively desire sex. I just don’t look at a person and desire sex with them directly. I generally desire sex with people I’m romantically attracted to.

Well, the researchers essentially found that most asexual people fantasize. That would put most asexual people as at least being sex-neutral. (I’m presuming here) However, there’s a phrase used in the article that I want to respond to:

“The key takeaway, again, is that when it came to fantasies and masturbation, there was simply less of a difference between the sexual and asexual groups than one might expect.”

This phrase highlights a problem that asexual people face daily, no one understands what it is. Many people don’t believe we exist and even those that do don’t think that we actually have sex or on any level desire sex. People need to be educated about sexualities as a whole and asexuality absolutely must e a part of that education.

Though, there was an interesting point brought out in the study. Many asexual people will fantasize in a 3rd person set up so the situation doesn’t involve them. I may look farther into the study do see what’s up with that.

Read the article Here.

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